Sometimes things – all sorts of things – just seem to get harder as time goes by. I’m no spring chicken anymore so I expect some things to get more difficult. I’ve not really recovered from the falls last year – the concussion is fading at last but I have painful shoulders and spine still and restricted mobility for my arms. There’s a song by One Republic with the line, “For every broken bone I know I’ve lived” and I console myself with this sometimes!
What I didn’t expect was to find writing, something I used to enjoy and think I did pretty well, to get so very much harder. Some of this is probably to do with the huge hiatus in our lives. Covid and the lockdowns followed by uprooting ourselves from a home of 30 years were bound to have an impact. We were exhausted, adrift in a new country and feeling very much alone.
Setting up a new home and trying to sort out what was with us and what was lost, left behind or just plain stolen was emotionally exhausting too. Some losses were annoying – many of our tools, for example. A lot of our cooking utensils, pans and electrical items never appeared. Some things though leave a deep, sad space that cannot be filled. Jacqui packed up her studio and had a box – ready and labelled – of 11 years artwork. Sketchbooks, reference material, pictures and photographs that were the equivalent of the recipe books of all her artistic development. The loss is as raw now as it was then and has blocked her for all this time. Don’t get me wrong, I felt – and still feel – we made the right choice for us. But it was not an easy transition.
We began to settle in and get an idea of what this new life entailed. I’ve covered a lot of the changes and the different demands of living in such a rural location but there’s a lot of day to day stuff that is both necessary and time consuming. In some ways things seem to get harder despite the lovely setting, quiet and a calmer way of life. Writing, for me, needs a bit of a routine and I’ve not sorted one out yet. This is partly due to daily demands but, being honest, I can hide behind that sometimes. A lot of it is wondering why I should write. I have stories to tell, ideas I want to share, but whilst I might write them down I’m at a loss as to what I do then.
Impress, my publisher, was not perfect. In fact it was pretty awful, especially when taken over by Aelurus Publishing. After several years of no contact and no communication they went into administration and there was an unseemly tussle to save the rights to my own books. Fortunately a group of us got together and won our case but it left me with no publisher and little idea of what to do with the completed manuscripts I had ready to go. It has been dispiriting to be honest, especially as, like many writers, I’m not so good at publicity and marketing. Just before I left Saltburn I was told by an agent that no-one would touch an existing series and inferred I was too old to be of interest anyway. Needless to say I wouldn’t want them as my agent but it didn’t help much.
Despite all this I dug out a half-finished novel and did some heavy editing recently. I got to the point where I’d run aground and left it for a few weeks and slowly a little thread emerged, a way I can pick it up and move on. I’m exploring digital marketing through the Open University and I have some (faint but still possible) hope that a new book in a different genre might allow me to reset and move on. Watch this space!
On the homestead, we’ve been very lucky to have some excellent help from Andy who is tackling the hedges, margins and undergrowth around the property. Once it is all cut back we have a fighting chance of keeping it down, especially as Jacqui has found (and assembled) a proper brush cutter. We’ve had the water system serviced and tests taken to ensure it is has lower levels of nitrates, dangerous for us and especially for our dogs. We also need to ensure it is free from coliforms – and don’t get me started on agricultural run-off. The boiler was serviced earlier so we’re set up for the winter and now I think we might get our 5G cable fixed at last. After several calls, reminders and nagging the Rentakill man should be here tomorrow to remove the wasp nest. This should clear the way for the cable and maybe we will even have a landline. My, things are looking up.
Well, thank you for reading. I’ll let you know how it all goes and if the writing progresses may add a preview of the new book.
Take care, keep safe and hope to see you in a couple of weeks.